WHY I DON’T DO CROSSFIT PROPOSALS:

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CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE CARELESS & DANGEROUS PROPOSAL!

I get asked all the time if I’ve tried proposing at CrossFit, my friends text me without fail when The Bachelor is on and tell me I should be there, and I’m asked my opinion of it on a weekly if not daily basis. So I’m going to share that opinion with you. I know that a lot of people won’t like it, and engaged people may react quite negatively, but the goal of my page is not to simply go along with what is popular or to avoid tough subjects so that people won’t “unfollow” me.

  • Engagements and power Diamond Ring lifts are not meant to be done in sets of 30 or for time. The only ring that should be lifted this often and this fast is a NuvaRing.

 

  • Subjecting your muscles to extremely high stress repetitively is not good. Proposing and dancing around after doing 50 seconds of burpees is very taxing on your body. The only muscle that should be subjected to extremely high stress on a repetitive basis is the love muscle. This will happen on the wedding night.

 

  • CrossFit proposals mean job security for jewelry salespeople and wedding planners due to the high rate of divorce among the ranks of Crossfitters. You should not be trying to complete an AMRAP of weddings.

 

  • Why would so many people ignore advice of friends and others who obviously know better? I mean, if your friends tell you not to marry the other person, they can’t be wrong. People just don’t have ulterior motives when it comes to things like love.

 

  • People think that hurting is a good thing, that trying to score a mate that’s out of your league means you’re getting stronger, and that being able to have grexual (that’s a word I invented) relations with someone other than themselves means they are a winner. In reality, they are simply setting themselves up to get hurt once that other person feeds them a slice of rejection pie.

 

  • The “don’t quit” mentality of CrossFit. Take the guy in this video for example; he continues to do his crazy “dance” that mimics the mating dance of the North African Yak. He basically guilts the woman into accepting his offer of courtship. What chance does she really have? The peer pressure mentality of the Crossfit Culture simply claims another victim here. 

 

  • STOP thinking you can “get your cardio in” by simply doing a few burpees along with dancing like a 1-legged Justin Bieber, during a Bruno Mars song!“ Clearly this guy has watched too many episodes of ‘So You Think You Can Dance?” Guess what brah….YOU CAN’T!

 

  • Even though you can’t exactly see them, you know that the coaches were sitting idly by on the side watching the poor technique of the guy trying to be the half Vietnamese, M.C. Hammer.“Alright STOP, embarrassment time!” & “Please Crossfit, don’t hurt ‘em!” come to mind. Did you know that Crossfit Coaches can become ordained ministers by just filling out the application online, over a weekend!?


This concludes my rant, but let me be clear…this new wave of Crossfit proposals will be the root cause of the end of our society. Many injuries, not just of the shoulders, the back, and the knees (note: most knee injuries are sustained before the proposals. For some reason the knees get far less use after marriage), but also injuries of the heart. 

KIDDING, KIDDING. Love both these peeps and glad to know them and to Crossfit with them! Congrats JP & Amanda!

(FYI- This blog/rant/nonsense was a blatant rip-off of the Erin Simmons’, “Why I Don’t Do Crossfit” article. Available here:http://erinsimmonsfitness.me/2014/04/17/why-i-dont-do-crossfit/)

 

 

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